Saturday, May 31, 2008

Sometime in 1995, while living in St. Louis, I began to feel again..

“..On these long, dark, dusty roads, lookin’ there, no way to go.. I guess I gotta hide away, far away, cause I gotta find a way, to find my way. I gotta hide away, far away, cause I gotta find a way, to find my way.”
-Bubba Sparxxx, “Deliverance.”

The beginnings of stability, after a long period of turbulence,
I am almost in sync with the world (most days, anyway).
But then..
There are days when I’m just not sure of anything.
I feel a bit more(maybe too much), over-analyze a bit more, and, consequently, I don't quite connect..
With what is actually happening.

I walk everywhere. I am a solitary figure wearing sunglasses, a Walkman and big headphones, walking, watching, hoping, cautious on the street, and cautiously beginning the search for myself, and a way out of this present situation. Amongst the falling autumn leaves, I began to explore and mentally map the city.

While walking, I began to do the same within me. I had time to do both simultaneously, traversing on foot, slowly crossing the vast expanses of territory feared on some level, but ultimately respected. I am internally rich, complex, under-rated, and beautiful, like the city in which I now live. I will believe that eventually, even if I don’t now.

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