Foreword

"You are the difficult wizard, Capricorn – the bracing revelation whose tumult ushers in fresh, sweet order.
You are the whirlwind that destroys those things that need to be destroyed, and the medicine that tests and tempers
as it cures. You are the ringer of bells and the maker of myths, the catcher of falling stars, and the only one
who could possibly get away with tickling the sleeping dragon’s tummy. So be our dogged and inspired champion,
O winsome one. Figure out what no one else has be able to make sense of in over a thousand days."

-Rob Breszny, "Free Will Astrology/Capricorn"

"Oh Lanny, you think too much." My family, my friends, co-workers, have all said variations. You think too much. Too much. Too much? I don’t know of any other course but to think the way I do. An active mind can be a blessing or a curse. The ability to live in the moment without over analyzing that moment until it passes sometimes eludes me. The ability to do a simple task simply is difficult. It seems as if this time around, in my current skin, I have chosen to do most everything the hard way, the long way, to over-complicate. But I would never, never consider my hyperactive synaptic network a curse.

I think of life as a series of stories. Some you never remember. Others? Sometimes they’re there, faint and fuzzy, a feeling, a grin or a wince. Still others have a clarity untarnished, thought of often, all the attached feelings ringing still as they did at the moment of experience. Good or bad, they come to the forefront of my consciousness with ease.
I live and remember and process and experience simultaneously. I’m obsessed with "The Simpsons." I’m gay. I was born a geographical hillbilly. I’m the baby in our family. My parents have been married 53 years. I grew up on the campus of a Christian college. I love all types of music, as you’ll see.

I share a birthday with Katie Couric, Kenny Loggins, Nicholas Cage, and a birth date with Robert Bugoky, the man who survived 41 days in the Australian Outback in 1999. 40 of those days without food, the last week he says, without water. He walked 250 miles in a region Aborigines stay clear of, all to strengthen his faith in God. Very committed to his own experience regarding his spirituality, wouldn’t you say?

I am a Capricorn. My planet is Saturn. Esoteric numerology deems me a seven. I sometimes reside in the Seventh Dimension. I do think too much. My friends and loved ones know it’s true.

I’ve written sporadically over the last fifteen or so years, producing the following pages, in a backward order, not knowing the outcome until late into its creation, which is fitting I think. I want this out of me so I can pursue other pursuits.
I hope you like it. B. Who am I? Why should you care?

Why should you read this book? Who the hell am I to tell you anything? You don’t know me. Or maybe you do.

I am…
The good lookin’ loner at the fringe of the party, observing.
The one you see on the street always wearing headphones, always walking alone.
The fat kid who “got beautiful.”
The one who reminds you of other friends you have.
The most popular introverted person you’ve ever met.
The “gypsy friend,” always on the move.
The one you call when your other friends “wouldn’t understand.”
The unbalanced friend with equal parts compassion and anger.
The “jack of all trades, master of none.”
The one walking towards you obviously lost in thought.
The “flaky” friend heavy into astrology.
The “coolest” gay guy you know, the one, you know, if you were gay...
The one who’s always said, “I’m writing a book…” A book you’ve never actually seen…

I’m the waiter who brings you your food.
I’m the one who doesn’t really “belong there.”
Engaging, aloof, warm, cold, caring, vindictive, present, lost … all apply at different times.
The walking contradiction? That’s me.
So maybe you don’t know me, after all.

This is who I am, and how I got here. These are my thoughts.

Here is a small part of the sum of my experiences; an explanation of how “here” became the reality. And how, from now on, my focus and drive will be spent in search of the hidden knowledge of the ancients. This information will be used to show others the value of their own lives. These stories are but some roots of a unification in my life’s purpose.

C. Funnyhow…

It’s funny how life comes full circle. After completion of this manuscript, and after two plus years of silence, my former love interest called. Our relationship was significant. There were some difficult times. But there were some wonderful times, also. The good times led us into love. And the bad times took awhile to heal. But they were both there, in close to equal parts.

After two years of no contact, almost five years of no physical contact, and seven plus years after relationship’s end, here we are, talking again. He’s older. He’s calmer. He sounds like he’s been learning many lessons. He says he’s closer to the person he’s always wanted to be. I’m glad for and proud of him.

As for myself, I’m thankful to not feel hurt or angry anymore. I’m thankful for the blessings dressed as negatives. I’m thankful to have experienced a love relationship so profound it altered all life thereafter. I’m thankful for pain or disappointment’s transmutation to love or acceptance. And I’m thankful for our story coming full circle into friendship, once again.

So much left unwritten, for the moment, which leads to this next thought: I have been ambivalent as to the relative completion of this manuscript. I feel frustration at the amount of information left out, but am also satisfied that what is written is enough for the time being. So this is what it feels like to be complete. For the time being, of course.

One last note: The mystery rash mentioned in the Key West section? The correct answer is “Scabies.” Enjoy!