CDC Claims ‘Zombie Virus’ Not a Real Thing as Cannibal Attacks Continue

Hi; Welcome to 2012, where the headlines are "real" and the stories freaktastic!  Hockey masks as hot fashion accessory for the Very Afraid in 3..  2..  
Gawker.  The whole thing:

The Department of Health's Centers for Disease Control and Prevention today issued an official statement denying the existence of a "Zombie Virus" following a recent spate of incidents involving people behaving in a zombie-like manner.


"CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms)," the agency's spokesman, David Daigle, told the Huffington Post.

The denial comes on the heel of multiple zombie-esque events throughout the country and the world, as well as a rash of ominous occurrences across the state of Florida leading up to last Saturday's face-eating attack.

Despite the CDC's reassurance, another case of man-eat-man was reported in Staten Island yesterday, as one diner patron bit off the eat of another customer in the midst of an altercation over which TV channel to put on.

"He chewed his ear - he must have been hungry," an eyewitness told the New York Daily News. "He must have been reading about that cannibal down in Miami or something."

The CDC just last year created a website dedicated to "Zombie Preparedness." Alleging to be an "entertaining way to introduce emergency preparedness," the campaign specifically singled out the "zombie apocalypse" as a "kind of emergency" Americans should prepare for.

I love entertainment and mixed messages, and "Zombie Preparedness" sounds amazing!  Do It!  Prepare NOW!  Website For Entertainment Only, Run!  Sharpen your axes!  Relax--It's a comic book!  What the hell are you doing still reading this?  RUN!

I'm dizzy with entertainment already!

I Keep Crawling Away, But The Zombies Keep Pulling Me Back..

The meme gains cohesion.  Presented as a grouping of events, whatever this is is ominous.  How many more high profile attacks happen before mass hysteria begins?

Zombie Instances, May 2012   Reports of flesh eating bacteria included.  Clinically described Super Crazy.

Is this what happened?  Scientist accused of playing God after creating artificial life by making designer microbe from scratch - but could it wipe out humanity?  Unintended consequences, much?  (Found this through Godlike Productions.)

Unrelated, but included for the shocking brutality and Drama:  Mailing body parts?  This guy's a psychopathic attention whore, but he's no zombie.  And he seems to be escaping much faster with more success than his fellow murderous weirdos.

Girlfriend: 'Miami Zombie' may have had voodoo spell that made him chew off a man's face  If he's close to who she describes, I bet this tragedy would be devastating.  Tampa Bay Times.  Excerpts:


The man being depicted by the media as a "face eater" or a "monster" is not the man she knew, she said. He smoked marijuana often, though had recently said he wanted to quit, but he didn't use stronger recreational drugs and even refused to take over-the-counter medication for simple ailments like headaches, she said. He was sweet and well-mannered, she said.


Eugene's girlfriend has her own theory on what happened that day. She believes Eugene was drugged unknowingly. The only other explanation, she said, was supernatural — that someone put a voodoo curse on him. The girlfriend, who unlike Eugene is not Haitian, said she has never believed in voodoo, until now.

"I don't know how else to explain this," she said.

Possible Zombie Outbreak? Or Mass Hysteria?

Police: Miami cannibal was overdosing on new, super-potent LSD

Holy, holy shit.  Raw Story.  Entire article, but the last sentence and video(Go to the link if you want the video.  I won't watch it.):

Disturbing new details have emerged about an incident in Miami, Florida in which police shot and killed a man who was tearing off and eating another man’s face. According to Miami’s WSVN, the victim, who is believed to be homeless, lost 75 percent of his face in the attack and is in critical condition at Jackson Memorial Hospital. Police claim that the dead man was overdosing on a new, powerful form of Lysergic Acid Diethlymide, the hallucinogen commonly known as LSD.



Eyewitness Larry Vega was bicycling on the MacArthur parkway on Saturday afternoon when he saw the two naked men locked in a grisly struggle. The scene, he said, was like something from a horror movie.

“And the guy was like tearing him to pieces with his mouth, so I told him, ‘Get off!’” Vega said, “You know it’s like the guy just kept eating the other guy away like ripping his skin.”

Vega flagged down a police officer, who ordered the attacker to let his victim go. The attacker ignored him, but when the officer jumped the concrete divider and shouted, Vega said, “the guy just stood his head up like that with a piece of flesh in his mouth and growled.”


The officer opened fire, striking the suspect, who barely paused as he continued to rip away the homeless man’s face. The officer fired several more times until the attacker was dead.

More police swarmed the scene and the victim was caught on Miami Herald surveillance cameras as he struggled to sit up. His face, said Vega, “was just a blob of blood. You couldn’t really see, it was just blood all over the place.”

Police spokesman Armando Aguillar told reporters that the suspect may have been overdosing on a new, super-potent form of LSD. ”What’s happening is whenever we see that a person has taken all of his clothes off and has become violent, it’s indicative of this excited delirium that’s caused by overdose of drugs,” he said, “What’s happening is inside their body their organs are burning up alive.”

Neither man’s identity has been released to the public.

That's a real bad societal omen, don't you think?  Awesome. At best, this is "Killer LSD Side Effects Include Severe, Violent Zombie-ism, Flesh Eating, Hyper-Strength, And Bullet-Tolerance."  At its worst, this is "Zombie Attacks Man; Eats Face.  Cause Of Event; Unknown."  Has Science finally created a new type of drug, similar to whatever it mimics, but much, much stronger and horrifying?  Is there really a need for hyper-violent hallucinogens?  Could we not work on technology that helps humanity, not fills it with The Hallucinating Undead?

Instead, we get Zombie LSD.  Or Zombies.  Par for the course in "Universe B." 

Also:  I'm not totally convinced this isn't a zombie, or something similar to that archetype..  The small, but high-profile  flesh eating bacteria outbreaks around the world are..  Disturbing, and terribly coincedental.  And yes, this is 2012, so, well, whatever happens; Happens..

Stories like this make me really doubt our chances for survival.