CDC Claims ‘Zombie Virus’ Not a Real Thing as Cannibal Attacks Continue

Hi; Welcome to 2012, where the headlines are "real" and the stories freaktastic!  Hockey masks as hot fashion accessory for the Very Afraid in 3..  2..  
Gawker.  The whole thing:

The Department of Health's Centers for Disease Control and Prevention today issued an official statement denying the existence of a "Zombie Virus" following a recent spate of incidents involving people behaving in a zombie-like manner.


"CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms)," the agency's spokesman, David Daigle, told the Huffington Post.

The denial comes on the heel of multiple zombie-esque events throughout the country and the world, as well as a rash of ominous occurrences across the state of Florida leading up to last Saturday's face-eating attack.

Despite the CDC's reassurance, another case of man-eat-man was reported in Staten Island yesterday, as one diner patron bit off the eat of another customer in the midst of an altercation over which TV channel to put on.

"He chewed his ear - he must have been hungry," an eyewitness told the New York Daily News. "He must have been reading about that cannibal down in Miami or something."

The CDC just last year created a website dedicated to "Zombie Preparedness." Alleging to be an "entertaining way to introduce emergency preparedness," the campaign specifically singled out the "zombie apocalypse" as a "kind of emergency" Americans should prepare for.

I love entertainment and mixed messages, and "Zombie Preparedness" sounds amazing!  Do It!  Prepare NOW!  Website For Entertainment Only, Run!  Sharpen your axes!  Relax--It's a comic book!  What the hell are you doing still reading this?  RUN!

I'm dizzy with entertainment already!

I Keep Crawling Away, But The Zombies Keep Pulling Me Back..

The meme gains cohesion.  Presented as a grouping of events, whatever this is is ominous.  How many more high profile attacks happen before mass hysteria begins?

Zombie Instances, May 2012   Reports of flesh eating bacteria included.  Clinically described Super Crazy.

Is this what happened?  Scientist accused of playing God after creating artificial life by making designer microbe from scratch - but could it wipe out humanity?  Unintended consequences, much?  (Found this through Godlike Productions.)

Unrelated, but included for the shocking brutality and Drama:  Mailing body parts?  This guy's a psychopathic attention whore, but he's no zombie.  And he seems to be escaping much faster with more success than his fellow murderous weirdos.

Girlfriend: 'Miami Zombie' may have had voodoo spell that made him chew off a man's face  If he's close to who she describes, I bet this tragedy would be devastating.  Tampa Bay Times.  Excerpts:


The man being depicted by the media as a "face eater" or a "monster" is not the man she knew, she said. He smoked marijuana often, though had recently said he wanted to quit, but he didn't use stronger recreational drugs and even refused to take over-the-counter medication for simple ailments like headaches, she said. He was sweet and well-mannered, she said.


Eugene's girlfriend has her own theory on what happened that day. She believes Eugene was drugged unknowingly. The only other explanation, she said, was supernatural — that someone put a voodoo curse on him. The girlfriend, who unlike Eugene is not Haitian, said she has never believed in voodoo, until now.

"I don't know how else to explain this," she said.

Possible Zombie Outbreak? Or Mass Hysteria?