LumpLump

1996. The first lump appeared on Saturday, along with a couple of red rash like marks on the side and back of my neck. It was pretty hard, and when pressed, became sore. My imagination made it grow a bit over the weekend, coupled with bad eating, and a three-day drinking-binge, maybe. But then on Monday, today, it seemed to get smaller again, although the red rash had not changed. After work, I stood in the mirror and pressed and pressed, and it did feel smaller. I was not too worried at this point, as cysts run in my family. My sister has had at least one removed, as well as my Mother.

I was doing some laundry and napping this evening, and happened to touch my neck, discovering another, much more troublesome lump just south of a lymph node on my neck. I must admit a buzz of fear running through me, which was only a few minutes ago, so the impact of this new discovery is influencing these words as they are written. It is smaller than the first one, and not as painful, but the lump’s proximity to my lymphatic system is a little alarming.

What does this mean? The negative implications could be staggering, if I let them. After all, I don’t feel bad. In fact, aside from the fact I’m still smoking, I haven’t felt this good in years. I walk between six and twelve miles a day, mega-dose on vitamins, and for the most part, get enough sleep. Mentally, the outlook is good. Confidence comes easily, and the ability to get the most out of every day and every experience is much more assured.

So what’s with the lumps? God damn it, now I gotta go to the doctor. The terminal illness scenarios jump to the forefront of my mind: Cancer, AIDS, brain tumor…other shit I don’t want to deal with or think about. I wasted so much valuable time in my life dealing with hypochondria and all the associated crap-n-baggage that accompanies it. Now it’s time to be done with all that negativity.

So, of course, these lumps decide to show up to test my resolve. Maybe this is just a wake up call. After all, the body has many, many ways of dealing with impurities in its system. Cigarette smoke, marijuana, increased alcohol consumption, French fries, could all be factors…

1998-Oh yeah, this turned out to be multiple spider bites.

Uh…oof.