Surprisingly poignant, as clear, yet untreated addiction and depression issues ending in death usually are. Gawker. Excerpts:
On Wednesday night, adult performer Erik Rhodes (born James Elliott Naughtin) died in his sleep of an apparent heart attack that may have had something to do with his use of steroids, says Towleroad. He was 30 years old.
Rhodes seemed to consider putting it all out there as his round-the-clock job. I didn't know him from his porn work, which began in 2004, but from his painfully confessional online presence via a Blogspot blog he started in 2008 with a gushing post about a Marilyn Manson concert he attended. Things went downhill from there and his expressed misery crossed platforms and ran all the way through his most recent Tumblr post: five days ago, he discussed his steroid and human growth hormone usage, adding, "I'm waiting until i pop. Or my liver to fails… which every comes first."
Frontiers L.A.com points to a post from two months ago, in which Rhodes discussed his use of meth and a resulting 72-hour period he spent at Bellevue under observation. It's an extreme example of the kind of show-and-telling of his own destruction Rhodes did for over four years:
(There are several posts, but this one is most telling)
Poor thing: It was all too much for him to handle.
On Wednesday night, adult performer Erik Rhodes (born James Elliott Naughtin) died in his sleep of an apparent heart attack that may have had something to do with his use of steroids, says Towleroad. He was 30 years old.
Rhodes seemed to consider putting it all out there as his round-the-clock job. I didn't know him from his porn work, which began in 2004, but from his painfully confessional online presence via a Blogspot blog he started in 2008 with a gushing post about a Marilyn Manson concert he attended. Things went downhill from there and his expressed misery crossed platforms and ran all the way through his most recent Tumblr post: five days ago, he discussed his steroid and human growth hormone usage, adding, "I'm waiting until i pop. Or my liver to fails… which every comes first."
Frontiers L.A.com points to a post from two months ago, in which Rhodes discussed his use of meth and a resulting 72-hour period he spent at Bellevue under observation. It's an extreme example of the kind of show-and-telling of his own destruction Rhodes did for over four years:
(There are several posts, but this one is most telling)
Sometimes when people die, we search for pieces to mash together and create a picture of why. There's no need for that here. This guy wrote his own eulogy and it's as emotionally articulate as any. Erik Rhodes was tortured, he wallowed and then he died at age 30. His demons were a formidable match for the notoriously destructive world of porn.
From February 16, 2009, "What A Shame (first part)"
I feel old. I think i'm starting to look old. This hard life i forced my body to endure is starting to show. I get a nosebleed almost everyday, my heartburn feels like i'm constantly being stabbed in the chest, my knees ache, my body aches. Painkillers are crutch in my life and just not for recreational use.
Pathetically i have even considered botox and all this other bullshit to help my battle with aging. If that isn't a new low for me... has vh-1 and this self absorbed society finally gotten to me to? If steroids and the couple hundred pills i pop a day weren't enough, what else can i do look pretty just alittle while longer? Who cares if my liver in struggling to work, who cares if it feels like i'm being punched in my kidneys all day long...honestly who cares. You know, turning 27 i sit there and say myself "only 3 years left, i better make them good".
Oh... i have given myself and expiration date, kinda like a carton of milk. You can't expect things to last forever, and with the way things are going, 30, i'm just gonna call it quits. That's if i even make it to 30. If things get better then i might change my mind but, that is what is engraved in my brain at the moment.
Poor thing: It was all too much for him to handle.
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