Man bites Genetically Modified dog, redux..

Black fly in your chardonnay, indeed..

Sadly, they're back..

Via Fark..

While Fox News proved they could work up a frothy head of tizzy about a potential pandemic, they haven't forgotten the Truly Important News..

While this is a tragic situation for the family, THIS IS NOT NATIONAL NEWS.
Will the American public ever tire of "victim porn?"

Sheesh..

Good thread. Some choice herbal suggestions. A sample:

4/30/2009 1:44 AM Re: The Indians had a cure for the 1908 flu-this one too Quote
All you have to do with dry or fresh herb, is simmerslowly on very low heat in a pot with a lid.Never raise the heat(you will burn the "fruit"), simply wait patiently for the water to come to a boil-immediately reduce heat and keep on a simmer. You should make the water level just above the amount of herb in the pot (just like regular cooking)and if you need to, add water if the water burns off too much.You keep it simmering until your tincture is DARK. This depends on how much water/herb you personally are using.
As soon as it is dark remove the water that is now a tea into another bowl and set aside. Your work is not done yet.
DO NOT THROW THE HERB OUT YET!
It is still viable.Pour more water in the pot and do the process again.Pour the next batch of tea in with the first.
You do this until simmering the herb no longer produces a dark color. BUT NO LESS THAN THREE TIMES. VERYIMPORTANT!(the herb slowly strips down its medicine, some of the most valuable is near the end of the "washings"-3 times or more)
Throw the herb out of the pot.
Pour all three batches(or more) of tea(that you set aside in another bowl)back into the pot.Raise the heat again SLOWLY, with a top on, and simmer and reduce the tea until it is very dark.Steaming off all the extra water concentrates the medicine.
High heat destroys the fruit, which is the medicinal quality of the herb.
Now this is the easiest and most accessable way to make an Alchemical tea for medicinal purposes.

So if this flu turns out to be a dud, at least I'll have a much stronger homeopathic knowledge base. I can live with that!

Hold your horses..

"The WHO said yesterday that there was no reason to raise its five-step alert level to the sixth notch as the outbreak of swine flu appeared to remain steady.
The day before, the organisation had raised the alert level to five, which signals that a pandemic is ``imminent''. Phase six would signal that the world is in a pandemic."

Story straight, much?

It came from Outer Space..

MeatEatOr asks a pretty good question. If he's right, what does that mean? The fourth post down fleshes out a theory, and the post with the header "acko speculates" (bottom of page one) adds plausibility.

Not a conspiracy "favorite" (No cabal responsible/completely random), but still..

From http://www.flutrackers.com/forum/ via www.godlikeproductions.com . That's Flu Trackers, a single issue forum site. I haven't checked this out fully, but it's worth a look.

Re: Cytokine Storm Cure! Quote
This is from the flutrackers forum:
"decreasing cytokine storm vs. strengthening immune system"
Join Date: Feb 2006Location: norCA, USAPosts: 1,317Default Enhancing the immune system vs minimizing cytokine stormI copied this over from the Everything about elderberry thread. It's a reply to Zkurmus question about using a sambucol supplement that also contains echinacia. But as you will see, I get into other possibilities... I hope others will share their family prep plans.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Zkurmus, just a quick reply...
Echinacia is considered an immune system booster. I haven't looked into the research that might support this. My mom always swore by it and drank all sorts of things with echinacia in it on a daily basis. I saw some articles posted by Shannon or LMonty that echinacia may boost some of the factors that the body produces in its over-reaction to H5N1 that is called the "Cytokine Storm". (Cytokines include interleukins, tumor necrosis factor, other immune system messengers that "cascade" too vigorously in response to H5N1 infection...). Maybe I can find some of those references.
The cytokine storm (and ARDS, acute respiratory distress syndrome) which may result from H5N1 infection is thought to be more likely in children and healthy young people with strong immune systems.
* The death rates from H1N1 in the 1918 pandemic supports this hypothesis: 50% of deaths occurred in those 18 to 40 years old, and most died within a day or two.* So do the death rates among the young in Asia from H5N1 today: don't know the exact stats, but 50% of deaths so are in those under 25, I think.
There must also be an exposure factor determining who gets ill ill in the first place: the youthful work force in 1918, and kids who care for chickens in Asia today should be factored in.
Thus, there are suggestions that having a strong immune system may be a risk factor for death from H5N1 in the coming pandemic if you get sick. If that is true, then theargument by some is that to the degree that any herbal remedy, medical treatment or vitamin enhances immune function, it may increase risk of death by cytokine storm if you get the bug.
Key will be avoiding becoming infected with H5N1. Social distancing and being reclusive will be a protection. Having food, basic multi-vitamins, vitamin C and other resources available to be able to remain sequestered will be a protection.You and your family don't want to have contact with other humans who could infect you.
Before the pandemic hits, I'm suggesting to my family that we all have the best functioning immune system possible. Prior to pandemic we're continuing with echinacia if we already take that supplement (I don't, but some family members do.). Some family members who keep bees swear by bee propylis. I don't think it increases the cytokines, but I don't know any research on this.
Other family members swear by reservatrol, which is present in full cluster unfiltered concord grape juice (or wine) where grapes are prone to getting a fungus and reservatrol is created on the grape skin in reaction to the fungus. Reservatrol is also found in almonds, peanuts, full cluster unfiltered, hot extracted mulberries, blackberries. I posted on that on another preps thread.
[link to www.flutrackers.com]
If someone gets sick, we plan to stop the echinacia, but not the propylis, or reservatrol.
Some believe it's helpful to take sambucol before infection and increase the amount if you get infected with H5N1. We're planning to do that. I've made a number of quarts of sambucol tincture from dried elder berries soaked for 10 days in vodka. I didn't sweeten it. It tastes like death warmed over, but I think it helps, given some recent experience with the common flu and pneumonia. I may try making some without alcohol as I am not much of a alcohol consumer. I have also made tea from the dried berries.
If your sambucol supplement contains echinacia perhaps you should discontinue it when the pandemic hits near you.
If the person gets sick, there are other supplements that may reduce cytokine storm (and ARDS). Antihistamine like "Benadryl" or the generic equivalent is another "over the counter drug" we have on hand. It's cheap and available at places like Costco in the US.
Turmeric (95% curcumin) is another anti-cytokine storm herbal remedy. It should be abundant in your part of the world.
Omega 3 fatty acids are said to be beneficial.
Lipitor (10 mg/day) is a prescription drug that may be beneficial in recucing the cytokine storm. It is prescribed for high cholesterol and should be taken under a doc's supervision. The doc checks liver function to make sure you're not one of the rare people who have an adverse reaction.
I have not saved all the scientific research notes I made when sorting my way through various options last fall. I'm willing to see if I can find some of them again on the internet. If so, I will post them under preps. Maybe others who have thought through the "what if's" will contributeas well. We're all in uncharted waters in planning to mitigate the pandemic effects. What each person and family does will have to be based on personal research, what's available where you are, and making your "best guess".
I am not an MD; this is not advice, simply what my family and I are doing. We don't have antivirals, so we're in the same boat as you on that one...
Here's a page of food, materials and supplement preps I made up with some firefighters last fall. Med stuff is at the very bottom under PERSONAL NOTES.

From George Ure's incredible economics site Urban Survival.. http://urbansurvival.com/week.htm


First Hybrid Flu Death
First, an update from a pretty good source about what's 'hot' on the flu front this morning:
"1) A 23 month old in Texas died. Seems to not fit the pattern, but no details released to public yet, so I don’t know if this is an anomaly or something is different than normal about the swine flu. Based on normal flu years, about 5-15% of US deaths are healthy young adults that don’t fit the pattern. This may be the same hard to figure out death pattern, or something may have changed in the way the H1N1 is behaving. We’ll know more as details are released.
2) Patient zero (or very near to zero) was apparently identified. Young boy who was sick in early March. His blood was tested then & they found nothing, since they weren’t looking for swine flu. Retested & apparently positive. His parents did not get sick, nor others in the village; at least sick enough to have seen a doctor & had blood-work done. They live right next to a big pig-plant (locations in Mexico & US). They, of course, say that the swine flu has nothing to do with them & their pigs don’t have influenza. I’m sure the Mexican health agencies will do more than take their word & look into it."
Meantime, maybe someone was actually paying attention yesterday when I bemoaned the lack of precision when it comes to the hybrid flu that's making the rounds. Not only is the World Health Organization calling this outbreak the 'North American Flu' but I see where "U.S. officials want 'swine' out of flu name" as well.

I continue to be perplexed by a couple of points: The first is "Where the treatment protocol?" and the second is "What are the over-the-counter/OTC options?" for the millions of Americans who either don't have healthcare, or figure they would face more risk by going to a hospital than by self medicating and staying at home.

One the question of treatment protocols, it turns out that they really do exist...well...sort of.

For example, a quick search of pandemic flu treatment protocols brings up a US Department of Transportation study "Preparing for Pandemic Influenza" but it's focus is not on the doctor/PA level practitioner trying to respond to a sick patient, so much as it's a guide for 9-1-1 centers
to develop dispatch protocols for Personnel and Public Safety Answering Points (PSAPs).

Similarly, the Homeland Security "Best Practices and Model Protocols" document of April 2007 does a fine job of sorting out who should respond how at an agency/sector level but darned if it gets into the diagnostic tree and efficacy studies.

I haven't had time to do an exhaustive search, but after spending a fit of time on the phone with a doc I know, his point that the practitioner-level/treatment recommendations really ought to be more readily available. His view went something like this: "OK, so I have someone show up in my office and they've got a 102 degree temp, they're barfing their guts out, sniffling and hacking...what's the current best course for proper diagnosis and treatment based on the most current cases which CDC and WHO have in this episode?"

To be sure, the WHO has some generalized information on their web site if you scroll to "Treatment and Prophylaxis: Antiviral Agents, but it's not a detailed diagnostic flow chart by any stretch. What this particular doc is looking for is the whole tree, contraindications and a drug-by-drug summary. You know, the kind of thing that would say use this antiviral but only if the patient doesn't have the following conditions, kind of thing, along with a batting average or best SWAG based on these similar modeled responses.

Would you be happy with the flu response plan for Tonga down in the South Pacific? That's easier to come by. But enough of that...on to the next point.

How this flu kills is interesting. Seems that it triggers an over-reaction by the body's immune system in a process called cytokine storming. Here's a contributed article by Spencer Feldman, this is NOT PRESENTED AS MEDICAL ADVICE AND IS FOR DISCUSSION PURPOSES ONLY and remember as you read this, that it was prepared for bird flu not the hybrid which is currently in play. That said, it may offer some perspectives on how the flu operates and let me say this one more time: THIS IS NOT MEDICAL ADVICE - FOR THAT SEE YOUR DOCTOR! Got it? :
Suggestions for the Acute Management of a H5N1 Pandemic, by Spencer Feldman
The H5N1 (Asian Avian Flu or "Bird Flu") virus owes its lethality to its ability to instigate pathological immune responses in the host via cytokine storm. This leads to disseminated intravascular coagulation (DIC) and massive infiltration of inflammatory cells into the lungs. Thus, any H5N1 protocol must take into consideration, not only the inhibition of the virus, but also the effects of DIC and alveolar flooding.
Given that there are reports of some patients dying within three hours of initial symptoms, any medical response must be swift and aggressive. Traditional models for treatment outside of a hospital setting rely upon antiviral medications. This is insufficient as there are now strains of the H5N1 that are resistant to all major antiviral drugs, and furthermore does nothing to address the issues of DIC and alveolar flooding.
Alternative models concentrate on immune stimulating products. This is a dangerous idea as it is the strength of the immune response that makes the H5N1 so deadly. Increasing immune response may prevent an initial infection, but in an infection that has already taken hold, it will only worsen the outcome.
Preventative Measures: Studies suggest that Vitamin E and Selenium may decrease the infectivity and pathogenicity of the H5N1 Avian Influenza(1).
Additionally, air pollutants have shown to increase the risk of contracting the H5N1 Avian Influenza(2). Raising glutathione, a primary detoxification pathway for petrochemicals may be of benefit. Finally, strengthening capillary walls may be suggested in preparation for a possible hemorrhagic episode.
Acute Management: Current scientific thought holds that the lethality of the H5N1 Avian Influenza may be caused by systemic viral dissemination, cytokine storm and/or alveolar flooding(3). As such, an intelligent protocol for supporting the body would be to take these factors into consideration. The H5N1 Avian Influenza contains the compounds Hemagglutinin and Neuraminidase (also called sialidase). Both of these compounds are required in the infection cycle of certain virus. The drugs Zanamivir and Oseltamivir (Tamiflu) are both Neuraminidase inhibitors.
One study suggests that the common Chinese Herb Astragalus may also be a Neuraminidase inhibitor(4). Since another study(5) suggests that Ca2+ and Mag2+ both speed up the activity of neuraminidase, and that Ca2+ is required for its function, making these elements unavailable via chelation with sodium and potassium citrate may be of use.
Studies also suggest that Lactoferrin(6), sulfated polysaccharides such as Ceramium Rubrum(7) (Red Marine Algae) and Elderberries(8) may be Hemagglutinin inhibitors. Unfortunately, Elderberry also increases cytokines (see above) especially Tumor Necrosis Factor alpha (TNFa)(9) which is specifically associated with the toxicity of the H5N1 Avian Influenza (10). For this reason, ingredients that studies suggest normalize TNFa such as Curcumin and Vitamin E (11),(12) should be considered.
One outcome of a cytokine storm can be disseminated intravascular coagulation (DIC). DIC may be responsible for the massive hemorrhaging seen with the H5N1 Avian Influenza(13). Thus, in addition to supporting normal cytokine levels, supporting the body in normalizing blood coagulation parameters with nutritional compounds may also be suggested(14),(15),(16). The drugs Amantadine and Rimantadine work by inhibiting the matrix protein(s). Studies indicate that Glutathione and Resveratrol may have an effect on matrix proteins as well(17), (18). Finally, Lactoferrin may support the body in decreasing infiltration into the lungs of inflammatory cells(19).
Emergency Solution While I have already manufactured a product that contains all of the ingredients listed, the FDA does not allow for commercial sale alternative products to be made (other than homeopathics) for the bird flu.
The following ingredients should be available locally and might form the basis of a makeshift H5N1 survival pack.
1- Curry powder as a source of turmeric to suppress TNFa
2- Red wine with the alcohol boiled off as a source of resveratrol
3- Kelp as a hemagglutinin inhibitor
4- Astragalus as a neuraminidase inhibitor (available at any Chinese herb shop)
5- Vitamin E as a blood thinner (available at any health food store) Conclusions
Reports of people dying from the H5N1 Influenza in as little as three hours from the first signs of infection suggest the necessity of carrying on one’s person whatever they consider an adequate defense against this infection.
To recap, In designing such a defense, the key factors to address regarding the H5N1 virus would be:
1- Decreasing the risk of initial infection
2- Decreasing the potential virulence of infection
3- Inhibiting Hemagglutinin
4- Inhibiting Neuraminidase
5- Inhibiting Matrix proteins
6- Binding of viral receptor sites
6- Reduction of calcium and magnesium
7- Decreasing general inflammatory cytokines
8- Decreasing TNF-a in particular
9- Supporting normal platelet activity
10- Decreasing free radical activity in the lungs
11- Minimizing hemorrhage
12- Strengthening blood vessels
13- Protecting against the after effect of hemorrhage
14- Replenishing electrolytes lost to diarrhea
15- Inhibiting secondary infections
Again, THIS IS NOT MEDICAL ADVICE AND IS OFFERED ONLY FOR INFORMATION. FOR MEDICAL ADVICE SEE YOUR DOCTOR.

Alternative Herbal therapies for Genetically Modified Flu

There's more, but this a good start..

http://www.med-owl.com/health/H5N1-Virus-Therapy.html

Emergency prep list

I culled this from www.godlikeproductions.com. Go there if you can handle conspiracy theory. If not, the information presented is still valid. Guy by the name of Gabriel (I think) originally posted this. Thank you, Gabriel.

I am compiling a list of what YOU need to get in terms of supplies for preparing for a widespread level 6 Pandemic. With the help of the mods, I hope to have this thread updated and available for readers of GLP. This site can be a valuable resource for those who need news aggregated from alternative sources as well as direct preparedness tips that go further than the typical "plastic sheeting and duct tape" nonsense you will get from Federal authorities.

First off, lets start with WHY one would be well advised to prepare for this pandemic. Worst case scenario, this virus is readily transmittable and has a mortality rate equal to or greater than ~2.5%. It appears that the virus is spreading easily between humans, however, it is unclear what the mortality rate is. Currently the death toll in Mexico stands at aprox 150 and the reported cases number 1,600.

According to these numbers, the death rate due to infection in Mexico stands at 9.3%. Now, lets assume for the sake of argument while trying to be conservative as possible, that the number of reported cases is underreported and that we are actually looking at 100% more cases than reported. This would have the effect of lowering the mortality rate to 4.6%. A 4.6% mortality rate is nearly 50 times more deadly than seasonal influenza. This would represent our worst case scenario and the basis for our preparations

Influenza can be easily transmittable and it is caused by a virus that spreads in the air in aerosol form. Being in a room in which a person sneezed or coughed puts you at risk of contracting the disease. It is also transmitted by contact with infected people. Handshaking, hugging, kissing, or even touching something that had been touched by an infected person puts you at risk of contracting the disease. Doorknobs, handles, keyboards - anything you touch can potentially put you at risk of infection. This is why it is important to wash your hands regularly to remove any virus from your hands before they are able to infect you. Common routes of infection include your lungs, the membranes lining your nose and also your eyes.

The best things you can do to help PREVENT infection is:

Wash your hands regularly to remove any virus that comes in contact with the surface of your skin. Do not touch your eyes, nose, or mouth unless you have washed your hands first. Disinfect your work area and items you interact with regularly. ie: keyboard, phone, mouse, desk, etc. Do not make contact with people whom you do not know for certain are not infected. Limit exposure to areas and places where other infected people may be. Telecommute/work from home if possible, and if you work in an office, work with your office door closed.

Consider wearing a N95 face mask, for added protection. Also, wear wrap around glasses/safety glasses in public to prevent infected aerosol from entering your eyes. For added protection considering wearing latex gloves while out in public and then discard of them outside of your home.

Important Tips: Alcohol and hydrogen peroxide does NOT easily disinfect and kill viruses. Do not rely on hand sanitizers to replace washing your hands. Even Lysol requires direct contact with viruses for a period of 5 Minutes in order to claim a 99.9 percent kill ratio. Washing your hands with plenty of soap and water is the BEST way to cleanse you hands and body from any virus contaminant that you make contact with.

Having a healthy immune system if important to not falling ill but it is not the best way to prevent getting sick. The best way is to limit exposure. Eat well, stay healthy, take vitamins, but do not rely strictly on vitamins and supplements to prevent you from getting sick.

Now, on to the preparedness and supply portion. We need to prepare to first off limit exposure and secondly, to be prepared for mass pandemonium in case things go from bad to worse. Make a list of all the things/supplies you need on a weekly or bi-weekly, or monthly basis and figure out a way to purchase them all at once and at one location. You want to limit exposure, that means limiting the number of people you come in contact with. If you go out to buy groceries or pick up something at the store 3 times a week, you have 3 times the exposure as you would if you went only once a week.

Try to buy in bulk and only go to a store once every 2 weeks or LESS if possible. Don't go to the grocery store, Costco, Target, AND Wallmart all to get your supplies. Pick ONE place and try to go early in the morning or late in the evening when fewer people are at the store. Don't shop in an area that you know if suffering heavily from infection and If you can, buy supplies in a different city or neighborhood. If you see people coughing or sneezing - LEAVE the area. Do not confront them, just leave, it's not worth it.

List of supplies and things you need:

3 Gallons of bleach that can be used for disinfecting items and also for making disinfectant sprays. Can also be used to disinfect drinking water.
1 liter bottle of Betadine disinfectant
Several pairs of safety glasses
3 boxes of latex gloves3 boxes of N95 face masks
3 gallons of antibacterial soap
5 Large cans of Original Lysol
10 boxes of bar soap like Ivory or Dial
2 large cases of paper towels
1 pump sprayer like what you would find in a garden center for spraying fertilizer or insecticide. Can be used to spray bleach disinfectant mix.
3 5 Gallon buckets of grains like rice or beans. This is important in case grocery stores shut down or resupplying food becomes difficult or poses a high risk of infection.
20 1 gallon containers of distilled or mineral water for drinking.
5 large cases of bottled drinking water3 rolls of plastic sheeting. This would be useful in making a decontamination room or helping to seal off an room that an infected person is in -Might not be room in hospitals.
3 rolls of Duct Tape - Always useful stuff
200+ cans of assorted high calorie food items.
2 large boxes of strike anywhere matches as well an assortment of candles.
2 10 gallon gas containers filled with fuel. Buy gas containers from Home Depot
Well supplied First aid kit that includesIf possible fill several prescriptions that you may need in advance for pre-existing conditions. You don't want to have to go to the pharmacy once infection has spread.
If possible fill a prescription of broad spectrum antibiotics. Secondary bacterial infections are a great risk factor if suffering from Influenza.
If possible fill a prescription of antiviral drugs like Tamiflu or Relenza.
If possible fill a prescription for a fast acting bronchodilator like Albuterol. This will help in keeping your airways open if suffering from influenza.
Stock up on bottles of vitamins such as Vitamin C, D, E, and B complex. Include Zinc supplements and a good multivitamin. Start taking the multivitamin daily.
BUY A SHORTWAVE RADIO. In case you lose power you want to have a means to gather info from various sources.
Buy plenty of batteries for your electrical devices.
Consider purchasing a gas generator. Don't run it in your house - will cause carbon monoxide poisoning!
Buy a gas or liquid fuel lantern.
Keep your vehicle with never less than 3/4 of a tank of gas.
Store several quarts of oil in your trunk in case you need some.
Keep your vehicle in good operating condition
Make sure you have a spare tire and means to change it.
Keep 300-500 dollars worth of cash stashed in a safe place - more if possible. Also consider keeping several gold coins with you in case you cash starts loosing value/inflation price gouging.

If things get really bad where you live, and the ability to resupply breaks down or becomes difficult or dangerous, don't wait for FEMA! Pack everything up in your car including the 20 gallons of gas and leave the area. Either go into the country and camp or drive to a location that is not suffering as heavily with infected. Consider staying with other family members. You need to stay alert and be ready to leave an area BEFORE you get locked down in some kind of a quarantine. If you are stuck in a quarantine, then hunker down, live on your supplies. Look for opportunities to resupply. The amount of food and supplies listed above should be enough for 2 people to get by for 60 - 90 days depending on rationing.

Don't be fatalistic about all of this. Get your supplies. You can make it through and being prepared will be an advantage.

Lyric Bibliography

Wilco, “Summerteeth,” Summerteeth, 1998
Radiohead, “Karma Police,” 1997
Tom Petty, “You don’t know how it feels,” _________, 1996
Laurie Anderson, “So Happy Birthday,” United States I – IV, 1984
Nine Inch Nails, “The day the world went away,” The Fragile, 1999
Player, “Baby, come back,” Player, 1977
Bjork, “It’s oh-so quiet,” _______, 1995
The Flaming Lips, “Waitin’ for a Superman,” The Soft Bulletin, 1999
Tupac Shakur, “Keep your head up,” ___________, 1995
Bone Thugs –n- Harmony, “First of the month,” ________, 1996
The The, “Love is stronger than death,” Dusk, 1993
The Cure, “Fascination street,” Disintegration, 1989
Lo-Fidelity All Stars, “Nightime Story,” How to operate on a blown mind, 2000
U2, “Stay (Faraway, So Close!),” Zooropa, 1993
The Flaming Lips, “Feeling yourself disintegrate,” The Soft Bulletin, 1999
The La’s, “There she goes again,” The La’s, 1995
White Zombie, “Super-Charger Heaven,” Astro-Creep 2000, 1995
The The, “Good Morning, beautiful,” Mind Bomb, 1989
Garbage, “Special,” Garbage 2.0, 1998
Robbie Williams, “Millennium,” ________, 1999
Limp Bizkit, “Re-arranged,” Significant Other, 1999
The Blue Nile, “Downtown lights,” Hats, 1989
Ultra Vivid Scene, “Extra Ordinary,” Joy, 1967-1991, 1991
Lenny Kravitz, “More than anything in this world,” Mama Said, 1992
Neneh Cherry, “Twisted,” Homebrew, 1992
The Rainmakers, “Snakedance,” The Rainmakers, 1986
Travis, “Why does it always rain on me?” The Man Who, 2000
Beastie Boys, “So whatcha want,” Check your Head, 1992
Rage Against the Machine, “No Shelter,” The Battle of Los Angeles, 1999
Outkast, “Gasoline Dreams,” Stankonia, 2000
Radiohead, “Paranoid android,” Ok Computer, 1997
Coldcut, “The only way is up,” Coldcut, 1994
The Delgados, “No danger,” The Great Eastern, 2000
Rush, “Tom Sawyer,” Moving Pictures, 1982
Vertical Horizon, “Everything you want,” Vertical Horizon, 2000
The Flaming Lips, “The Spark that Bled,” The Soft Bulletin, 1999
Oran, “Juice” Jones, “The Rain,” ________, 1985
Radiohead, “Planet Telex,” The Bends, 1995
The Cardigans, “Lovefool,” Meet the Cardigans, 1996
Hope, “Tree Frog,” _______, 1994
Everything But the Girl, “Five Fathoms (SNK),” _____, 1997
Sponge, “Loaded,” Rotting Piñata, 1995
Electric Light Orchestra, “Strange Magic,” Eldorado, 1974
Dionne Farris, “I know,” _______, 1994
Metallica, “Enter Sandman,” Metallica, 1991
Massive Attack, “Mezzanine,” Mezzanine, 1998
Wilco, “Pieholden Suite,” Summerteeth, 1998
U2, “Lemon,” Zooropa, 1993
Deftones, “Elite,” White Pony, 2000
Korn, “Make me bad,” Issues, 2000
B-52’s, “Housework,” Mesopotamia, 1982
Electric Light Orchestra, “Showdown,” Eldorado, 1974
Soundgarden, “Superunknown,” Superunknown, 1994
Devotchka, “Head honcho,” Supermelodrama, 2000
Sister Sledge, “He’s the greatest dancer,” ______, 1978
The Flaming Lips, “What is the light?” The Soft Bulletin, 1999
The Other Ones, “We are who we are,” The Other Ones, 1985
Icehouse, “No Promises,” ______, 1988
The Stray Cats, “Daddy’s home,” ________, 1983
The Smiths, “Stop me if you’ve heard this before,” Strangeways, Here We Come, 1985
Madonna, “Live to tell,” At Close Range, 1985
Radiohead, “Pyramid Song,” Amnesiac, 2001

Dedication

To my family, who may or may not finish reading this, and they may or may not like all of its content, but who will, as always, continue to love me, just the same.

To Mike, always on point, who knew I’d finish this, even when I didn’t.

To David, whose opinions and approval were catalyst not only for this book, but critically timed to continue my transformation during a very low, low point in my life.  Thank you!  

To Dail, my unstoppable Aries friend.  The embodiment of "Never give up.  Never give out."  Thank you for your enthusiasm about these words when I felt nothing of the sort!  Thank you!  Thank you!

To the people I’ve met along the way who are referenced within these pages, for good or bad, because without them and their acquaintance, I’d have so much less to write!

And to all those people who came along at just the right points in my life to make an impact.

I thank you all, very, very much.

Lance

Epilogue

One day in July of 2000, I came to realize that this book would never be completely finished. I believe this because I still could, for quite some time into the future, add to, and re-analyze these stories, gathering new meaning from these experiences, and continue to edit, re-forming that already committed to print. And then, I continued to write. And then, I wrote some more. But I think I’ll stop here.

Now it's 2008. Wow!  Is this not done!

Thank you for reading what's been written so far. I hope you liked it.

Before

They could feel the land before they ever saw it. It had been days and days and days since there had been even a hint of coastline, islands on the horizon, humanity, fresh water, anything. Tonight, though, was different. Most of them were sleeping, or trying to, when a feeling of discontent or anxiety took over one of the men, who decided to rise and ease those feelings experienced by staring onto the endless horizon.

Landlocked people don’t understand how much reflective power a full sky of stars has on the ocean. Contrasts between light and darkness are interpreted on a different visual spectrum, so even after his vision had adjusted, the man still couldn’t be sure to trust his eyes. He stood motionless, staring, for a few minutes, wanting more affirmation from the possible masses he saw southwest from their vessel. During the time the man was trying to analyze the sliding empirical evidence the night and the stars and the ocean offered, he was made aware of the tension in his stomach. The cause of his anxiety he mistakenly attributed to nervousness about future food supply, homesickness for his son, his wife, buildings and surroundings from his home city, the familiar comfort from his home shores, or the realization of the duration of this adventure, which was already much longer than intended. Land or not, the expedition was not even half over.

Consumed by these thoughts and analyses, he was slow to realize he was no longer alone. He looked to his left and right, and all were there, all staring southwest, all silent. The stars were shining brightly, and from that distance, the man swore he saw light, or movement. He wasn’t sure if the others saw anything similar, but by the lack of commotion, talking, or excitement displayed by the men, he knew they all felt something…not right.

They had found it and it had already begun.

Right before

…They worked in silence, making themselves and the smaller boat ready to embark. They rowed in unison, gently breaking the waves, cruising in quietly and deliberately, timid and un-announced. The tightness of his face reflected the pressure in his stomach as the sound of the waves striking the rocky beachhead intensified. They were arriving safely, but this was of no comfort. The warm wind chilled, heeding him to pay attention, to be…aware.

The sky was a navy blue sea of diamonds, shining brightly, coldly, and perfectly over the solid blackness of ocean below. The unseen already in motion, all was now in place. Events in the forefront could begin. And they did begin. At that moment, at that arc of realization, on this, the most visually beautiful night of his life.

During/the end

They had arrived safely. The water was seasonably warm, and not uncomfortable. The waves rippled and crashed as they pushed the boat an acceptable distance onshore. The song of the insects was unfamiliar. The air was humid. Dread was eating the man, his nausea rising. He wondered why. Everything seemed to be fine.

They were preparing to build a fire and explore the immediate area when the attack started. The noise of landing had masked all other sounds, and the inhabitants of the island were upon them before they had a chance to organize a defense, as they had not accounted for such a situation. The ones that had survived the initial onslaught ran aimlessly, further away from their boat, their lives taken one by one. A few men made an attempt to re-launch the boat, but were killed before they got to the water.

The man’s dread was forgotten as he ran along the beach, but his crippling nausea remained, bile rising with every footfall. He ran parallel to the shore, the water only feet away. His breath was heavy from panic. After an acceptable distance, he reasoned, he would disappear into the tree line until the morning, then swim to the ship.

He continued to run, loudly exhaling his fear, his mouth gulping the sea air. He veered towards the trees, his immediate safe harbor. Darkness and brush and unfamiliar florae enveloped him as he decided to stop and rest and look back at what was left of the expedition. The man who had followed him into the trees noticed his shocked expression as he turned around to look. He knew his prey had not heard him follow, as fear had overwhelmed all but his instinctual, reflexive flight. The inhabitant fell upon him, and the deed was done. The man’s life had ended on this island unfamiliar.

Off shore, the ship was anchored in semi-shallow waters, its silhouette alone against the horizon. The lone occupant of the ship, the dog, paced and whined and cried, echoing the distant and occasional cries from the island. After awhile, the dog began to yowl, breaking the silence that had once again settled in over the area. After a period of no response, the dog once again became quiet, and laid down to wait.

Miles upon miles over the ocean, the man’s wife went about finishing her daily activities. Their son, not far away, was amusing himself, within her view. She watched him for a moment as he ran in circles. She smiled and called for him to follow, as it was time for them to go inside. She turned around again when she reached the doorway, calling to him, pulling on a creeping vine, silently breathing a prayer to God to watch over her husband.

Excerpts from my birthchart

“The Sky Within,” by Steven Forrest - Koch System of Interpretation
Astro.com birthchart – Placidus System
Astrology Revealed, by Paul Fenton – Koch System


Note:

The Koch System of Interpretation divides the Houses equally, while the Placidus system is based on unequal house divisions and degrees.

Due to this differing interpretive style, House positions for Venus, Mars, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto vary, but sign placement is not effected. Since five of the nine planets are cusp, I have incorporated elements from each interpretation, as both interpretations are accurate. Information provided from “The Sky Within,” by Steven Forrest is in normal type, excerpts from Astrology Revealed, by Paul Fenton-Smith is in bold type, and information from Astro.com is italicized.

Sun, Capricorn, 1st House

“First House energies ‘act out’ a lot. They’re a visible, dramatic, well-developed part of your nature. For that reason, there is a part of your life where people think you have a real gift for leadership. They’re right—but it doesn’t always feel that way to you. How to get it right? Easy—trust your instincts. Be yourself. A good plot proceeds from a sound, coherent character.

With your Sun in the First House, there’s a lot of punch to your style. People tend to be impressed by you, to remember you. In fact, you sometimes have to make an effort to avoid overwhelming them. That charisma and apparent self-assurance masks the evolutionary issue you face: Creating a destiny. Because, unlike most people, you were born without one! The ‘hand of fate’ plays a minimal role in your life. There’s a frightening freedom built into this solar position. It all boils down to the words of St. Augustine, ‘Love God, and do what you will.’”

Moon, Cancer, 7th House

“There are two parts to understanding the Seventh House. The first is whatever energies you have in this part of your birth chart represent lessons you’re learning about empathy, trust, and commitment. The second is that those same planetary energies describe the people who’ll provide the lessons. They may be mates or lovers. They may be best friends. They may be colleagues of business associates. They may even be ‘worthy opponents.’

With the Moon in the Seventh House, you’ve shoved the most vulnerable part of your psychological self right into the hornet’s nest: The perilous world of intimacy! You bring tremendous empathy and caring into your love life; you also bring all your wounds and tender places.”
“The Moon, the Earth’s satellite, was found in the Seventh House at the time of your birth. Exciting romance may occur at an early stage of life. We must warn you, however, that unless modified by further interpretations, the marital partner has fluctuating affections. You’re also one of those who throughout marriage manifest a great variety of personality roles and who seldom shows in intimacy his real nature.”

Sun in Capricorn, Moon in Cancer

“This astrological combination indicates a sensitive individual who is vulnerable to external influences. Your general life outlook is one of economy and prudence. You find fulfillment in home life and there are good prospects for possessions, fame, and reputation. Emotionally, you tend to concentrate, conserve, and utilize energy, as well. You constantly relive experiences in an effort to organize your life and achieve a unity of will. The key to a more harmonious existence lies in heeding your individuality and just opinions.”

Ascendant, Capricorn, 1st House, Saturn in Second House

“There’s a privacy about Capricorn. A solitude. You need time to yourself. Too many social responsibilities wear you out, take away your ease. At the same time, you need to guard against locking yourself up inside a fortress of apparent self-sufficiency. That’s the road to loneliness.”

“Capricorn tends to a life full of difficulties, which forces you to exert all your resources in order to triumph. Because of your tact and prudence, you will be favored with the good will of important people. Your mind is egocentric, rational, and you have a natural tendency toward skepticism. Able to work hard, you will bear obstacles and frustrations with patience.


You will proceed with prudence in your love life and all other activities. You will seriously consider all of the ramifications of marriage, especially the aspects of your independence, and you will not marry until you are sure of your choice. After marriage however, there is a tendency to conduct a peaceful and quiet life. You are very economical in your daily activities, and if you do not exert some control over this trait, it could appear as rather mean.”


Sun conjunct Ascendant

“The Sun conjunct Ascendant shows you have a great desire for recognition and are creative in finding ways to gain attention. In general, you are uncompromising. You have great faith in your ability to rise above any of life’s negative circumstances. You know how to use your vast creative resources in a direct assault against any adversary, and you believe that eventually you will succeed. Most often you do, but when challenged by stiff competition, you will resort to brute force to demonstrate that you do not give in without a fight. You know how to win friends and influence people, and you use this talent effectively.”

Saturn, Pisces, 2nd House

“With Saturn here, you build faith in yourself brick by brick through taking on long-term, often solitary, projects that ask for everything you can do. Depending on the tone of the rest of your birth chart, that could mean anything from medical school to a solo trek across Greenland by dog sled. You weren’t born with a lot of faith in yourself, but you were born with the ability to earn it.”

Venus, Aquarius, 2nd and 1st House (Combined interpretation)

“Traditionally the Second House is the House of Money. That’s true, but the issues here are much broader. This is the House of Resources, and resources aren’t always financial. If you’re lost in Dubrovnik, Yugoslavia, at two in the morning, you’ll probably feel pretty insecure. If you have $1000 in your pocket, that’ll help; you’ll feel more legitimate. The money is a resource, and it produces the classic Second House effect: Helping you feel more confident. But speaking fluent Serbo-Croatian would do the same; knowing the language is a terrific resource, even though no one will give you a nickel for it.

Your Second House energies feel awkward, as if everyone is staring at them. Dignity and self-esteem are the issues here. The solution isn’t some ‘We all God’s chillin’’ formula for uncritical self-love. Instead, it’s a process of recognizing your deficiencies objectively and seeking to correct them: Proving yourself to yourself, in other words.

Venus is the part of your mental circuitry that’s concerned with releasing tension and maintaining harmony. Its focus is always peace, inwardly and outwardly. As such, it represents your aesthetic functions—your taste in colors, sounds, and forms. Why? Because the perception of beauty soothes the human heart. Venus is also tied to your affiliative functions—your romantic instincts, your sense of courtesy, and diplomacy, your taste in friends. Invariable, this planet has one goal; Sustaining your serenity in the face of life’s onslaughts.


Venus was passing through Aquarius. Thus, both your aesthetic sensitivity and your taste in partners are shaped by the rule-smashing spirit of the Exile. In the realm of beauty, whether natural or wrought by human hands, you have a taste for the unexpected, for the shocking—and a corresponding contempt for hackneyed themes. The same goes for friends and sexual partners—you appreciate independent individuals with spunk and novel perspectives, people who are willing to let you be yourself without fear of knee-jerk criticism.

With Venus in your Second House, you prove yourself to yourself in two basic ways. The first lies in trusting your creativity enough to invest in it. The second is to cultivate and refine your personal attractiveness—but there’s more to that than finding a new hair stylist! Be yourself in the most inspired way you can imagine…that’s the essence of it.”


(Venus, 1st House, Aquarius)

“Those with Venus in Aquarius can seem to be detached emotionally. They can feel more at home with a group of people than spending time solely with their partners. Freedom is of paramount importance for people with this placement. They resist being possessed and prefer partners who are also their friends. Friendships are more valuable to them at times than relationships.

Those with Venus in the first house tend to be friendly and outgoing, exuding the Venusian attractiveness and generosity. Others find these people attractive and easy to get along with, and are willing to help them achieve their goals."

Mars, 2nd and 1st House (Combined)

“The red planet symbolizes the power of the Will. Assertiveness. Courage. Without it, there’d be no fire in life. No spark. Where your Mars lies, you are challenged to find the Spiritual Warrior inside yourself, the part of you that’s brave and clear enough to claim your own path and follow it.

Mars is scrapping in Aquarius. This combination ties the belligerent, competitive energy of the Warrior to the independent, iconoclastic spirit of the Genius or the Exile. The result is that an instinct to question and challenge authority is woven into the logic of your psyche. Something in you cannot abide a boss! Spiritually, you are learning about the loneliness and social ostracism that so often are the price of a passionate dedication to truth. With the War-God occupying your Second House, you prove yourself to yourself through the rituals of adventure and assertiveness. You need to develop confidence in the legitimacy and prowess of the Warrior within you.”

(Mars, 1st House)

“Those with Mars in Aquarius tend to have sharp minds and can argue clearly and vigorously. However, they are more likely to fight for a cause than for themselves. This placement reduces the Mars competitiveness through the natural Aquarian sense of fair play. These people are often prepared to seek other cultures through travel and they experience a restlessness and a need to relocate from time to time
As the First House is the natural position for Mars, the placement increases the physical energy and the need for physical activity. Although natural organisers, those with Mars in the First House tend to be impatient with others and eventually insist on doing everything themselves. They are usually self-confident and have an air of purpose about them. They need to be careful about accidents to the head, or headaches.”

Mercury, Sagittarius, 12th House

“Intellectually you are curious, full of desire for wonder and amazement—and the urge to convert it into philosophical understanding. Spiritually you are learning about the soul’s absolute need for an endless, voracious diet of new experience.

With the traditional ‘Messenger of the Gods’ occupying your Twelfth House, your intelligence is much concerned with the investigation of consciousness itself. You trigger greater psychic sensitivity and spiritual awareness in yourself when you flood your senses with incongruous, surprising, stimulating information and questions…The trick here lies in using the intellect to trip the intellect.”

Jupiter, Gemini, 6th House

“When you need to boost your elemental faith in life, your answer lies in following the Way of the Witness or the Storyteller. What that means is that when you’re sad, the only cure is a big dose of amazement. Do something new. Take a chance. Learn something. Break up a routine. Have a fascinating conversation with an intriguing stranger. Almost invariably that will put the sparkle back in your eyes.”

Neptune, Scorpio, 11th and 10th House(s)

“Neptune, planet of transcendence, occupies the 11th House of your birthchart, where its mystical feelings are linked to the priorities which increasingly shape and dominate your life as you mature. If you get six out of every ten existential questions right by the time you’re old, you’ll be living a contemplative life, full of the prescience of God. Inevitably, down that road we see you surrounded by people who draw inspiration from you. The darker path, optional unless you fail to explore the spiritual dimensions of your life now, is that by the end of life you’ll be totally dedicated to keeping yourself anesthetized..."

(10th House)

“Neptune in the Tenth House can assist with career success if these people have a career in the psychic sciences, nursing, or in a charity organization. These people are idealistic and attracted to a career that improves the lives of others. Neptune in the Tenth House is about dissolving past attitudes to career and the importance of gaining a reputation in the eyes of others. It encourages the devotion of energy towards showing others that beyond material needs there is a spiritual purpose which offers everyone the peace and fulfillment they seek.”

Uranus, Pluto, Virgo, 9th and 8th House(s)

“Your birth chart shows still another area where planets congregate: the Ninth. By combining forces, Uranus and Pluto emphasize that department of your life almost as powerfully as the Sun or Moon would.

The House of Long Journeys over Water—that’s the old name for this part of the birth chart. Since you have energy focused here, a fortune teller would say ‘I see travel in your stars.’ True enough, although a deeper way of expressing the same notion is that immersing yourself in cultures outside the one into which you were born is a pivotal spiritual catalyst for you.

Ultimately, in the Ninth House, you weave a grand scheme of life’s meaning and purpose, at least your own version of it…Uranus is your teacher here and the lessons can be summarized this way: To find your true individuality, you must undertake a quest. That quest probably contains an element of travel—the mythical journey ‘to seek your fortune.’ But it also involves a broad process of learning and stretching your philosophical views…

At the moment of your birth, Pluto gleamed in the Ninth House…a part of the natal chart concerned with expansive adventures, and with philosophy. It is essential that you make contact, however brief or long term, with ‘foreign’ cultures. Through the act of committing yourself to such a quest, a transformation occurs in your being—and the capacity to fulfill your transpersonal mission arises. What is that mission? To forcefully encourage people to consider their lives from the viewpoint of meaning and purpose. This is the Path of the Preacher; follow it, but be wary of the pitfalls of self-righteousness and certainty.”

Uranus, Pluto, 8th House

(Uranus in Virgo) “…increases the scientific and mechanical mind of Virgo, and these people have keen business abilities. They are capable of presenting realistic solutions to problems and prefer to rethink their ideas before proceeding. These people can improve accepted methods and procedures with their practical inventions and solutions. They have an interest in natural healing and psychic healing, and they need to guard against hypochondriacs if Uranus is negatively aspected.”

Those with Uranus in the Eighth House usually have a deep interest in the occult (hidden knowledge) and intuitive dreams at night. They have an unusual approach to sex, and are likely to die suddenly rather that the result of a prolonged illness.”

“Those with Pluto in the Eighth House are usually intuitive, with the ability to penetrate to the core of a person or situation. This is the natural house placement for Pluto, and this placement makes for very intense people, as they combine Pluto’s need to transform and the Eighth House desire to strip away that which is superfluous in life. They can be ‘all or nothing’ people, who throw themselves into situations or ignore their surroundings. They make good investigators and can intuitively understand people quickly and accurately.

These people seek out intense experiences in life—where most of us (would) hold back because of the risks involved, they walk boldly into the fire. When pushed, these people can be vindictive and unrelenting in seeking personal justice. They can be dogmatic and stubborn and emotionally manipulative through emotional withdrawal. When they seek answers they leave no stone unturned and they are capable of facing the darkest parts of themselves with courage and determination. They can also be very secretive.

The lesson with this placement involves stripping away all the layers of conditioning to reveal the essence within. To find and nurture that spiritual essence or core is of paramount importance for spiritual growth and development for these people.”

Excerpts from the Myers-Briggs Personality Type indicator on Introverted Intuitive Types INTJ and INFJ

Driven by their vision of the possibilities.
Determined to the point of stubbornness.
Intensely individualistic.
Stimulated by difficulties, and most ingenious in solving them.
Willing to concede that the impossible takes a little longer – but not much.
More interested in pioneering a new road than anything to be found along the beaten path.
Motivated by inspiration, which they value above everything else and use confidently for their best achievements in any field they choose – science, engineering, invention, political or industrial empire-building, social reform, teaching, writing, psychology, philosophy, or religion.
Deeply discontented in a routine job that offers no scope for inspiration.
Gifted, at their best, with a fine insight into the deeper meanings of things, and with a great deal of drive…

“Their greatest gifts come directly from their intuition – the flashes of inspiration, the insight into relationships of ideas and meaning of symbols, the imagination, the originality, the access to resources of the unconscious, the ingenuity, and the visions of what could be. These are all inner gifts on the perceptive side. Without a developed auxiliary judging process, they will have little or no development of an outer personality and equally limited use of the gifts. However, a good judging process in support will shape the intuitive perceptions into conclusions or actions that will have a sound impact on the outer world.

Van der Hoop recognized this problem:

‘There is peculiar difficulty where this inner knowledge is concerned, in finding even approximate expression for what is perceived. It is extremely important, therefore, for people of this type to attain through their education a technique of expression…

The development of this type is slower and more arduous than that of most other people…Such children are not very amenable to influence from their environment. They may have periods of uncertainty and reserve, after which they suddenly become very determined, and if then they are opposed, they may manifest an astonishing self-will and obstinacy. As a result of the intensely spontaneous activity within, they are frequently moody, occasionally brilliant and original, then again reserved, stubborn, and arrogant.

In later life, also, it is a persistent characteristic of people of this type, that while on the one hand they possess great determination, on the other hand they find it very difficult to express what they want. Although they may have only a vague feeling about the way they want to go, and of the meaning of their life, they will nevertheless reject with great stubbornness anything that does not fit in with this. They fear lest external influences or circumstances should drive them in a wrong direction, and they resist on principle (1939, p. 48).’

It follows that these people cannot be successfully coerced. They will not even be told anything without their permission, but they will accept an offer of facts, opinions, or theories, for free consideration; the excellence of their understanding must be trusted to recognize what is true.”



Introverted Intuition supported by Thinking

INTJ’s are the most independent of all the 16 types and take more or less conscious pride in that independence. Whatever their field, they are likely to be innovators. In business, they are born reorganizers. Intuition gives them an iconoclastic imagination and an unhampered view of the possibilities; extraverted thinking supplies a keenly critical organizing faculty. “Whatever is, could doubtless be improved!” They are likely, however, to organize themselves out of a job. They cannot continually reorganize the same thing, and a finished product has no interest. Thus, they need successive new assignments, with bigger and better problems, to stretch their powers.

Even when well balanced, they have a tendency to ignore the views and feelings of other people. Use of the critical attitude in personal relations is a destructive luxury, which can have a disintegrating effect upon their personal lives. They would do well to make an effort to use their critical faculty on their impersonal problems and on themselves and to work for some development of appreciation (they need not call it feeling) to use on others.”

Cross country

The first recurring dream I can remember having is that of a house in the middle of a golf course with two curved trails leading to and from it, the silhouette of a young tree placed every 30 yards or so. The house was dirty white with a shingle roof. There was a line of cross country runners in the distance, running along the trail, symmetrically spaced, running the same speed, passing through the house when they came upon it, their pace steady. The sky was gray, with off white clouds that threatened rain, but never delivered. There was fog also, Missouri’s humidity extending the clouds seemingly all the way to the ground.

The runners ran through the mist and the fog and the woods and the house, and were always replaced with more. I remember one girl, Nora, in my dream. Nora was on my dad’s track team and had baby-sat me on previous occasions. I must have liked her, because I specifically remember her running in this dream.

I’m sure I must have seen some variation of this dream in a waking state, as many Saturdays growing up were spent at cross-country meets. My mother was creative in combating my alternating hyperactivity and boredom when no runners were in sight. We would wait for the main pack to run by, and then we would walk towards the finish line. My father would be there, with his clipboard and stop watch and sunglasses and cap, writing stats, talking with other coaches, and paying attention to the progress of his team. My father’s reputation and respect were solid amongst them all. He would smile when he saw us approach.

Like I said before, I must have seen some variation of this dream at a meet on a golf course on a cloudy Saturday morning. And then I dreamed about the runners in the distance. I still dream of events in the distance. This is the first of many I can recall. I was two. Or three.

I think dreams are important.

The floating car

I first saw the floating car when I was three, or four. We were driving into town, across the Lake Taneycomo Bridge. I think it was my sister who first saw the car, telling me to "Look Lance!" as it cruised silently down Taneycomo, a slow, spreading, perfect wake forming behind, so…graceful and beautiful and cool, it was like nothing I’d ever seen. Overwhelming. I was stunned when I saw it.

I must have stared at the floating car until our car moved us out of view, and I must have talked about it for a long time afterward, as those are behaviors I exhibit to this day concerning new, amazing phenomena. I always hoped we’d see the car when traveling over the bridge. Every once in awhile, for several more years, I did see the car again, tilting and swanlike, leisurely lolling along, its passengers, The-Luckiest-People-in-the-World. Whenever I saw that car, my love for it grew. Yes the car, but not the car, too, more the experience, the amazement, still, after seeing it many more times. That is what I loved.

The impossible happening before my very eyes. That is what I loved about the car, and that is still what I love about life, about experience.

Branson, 1982

“There was nothing to fear and there was nothing in doubt.”
-Radiohead, “Pyramid Song.”

In the summer, our first summer to have cars and drive wherever whenever, most of my friends and I spent a great quantity of time stuck in traffic on Highway 76. Branson still is, but more so then, a long, narrow town stretching from east to west from the downtown area four miles to what was the city limit, which was about six or seven miles from Silver Dollar City, the local amusement park. Most of the fun was centered on “The Strip.” Go-karts, mini-golf, restaurants, country music shows, the Wal-Mart, and lots and lots of cars going three to ten miles an hour on a two lane highway, in the heat.

Sometimes it would take upwards of 45 minutes to an hour to travel only a couple of miles. We would have our windows rolled down, listening to the radio, waiting to move. Sometimes we’d yell to people traveling the opposite direction, also stalled in traffic, also making the best of the situation. And, even with the extra tourists milling around, we always saw someone we knew, meeting on the highway or the back roads, or stopped in the opposite lane. You can always see someone waving to you, or someone else, in Branson.

I worked at the Dairy Queen for $2.50 an hour, minus breaks and a 50% meal discount. My 1977, two door, Monte Carlo was orange, with bucket seats that swiveled. And when I wasn’t at work, we drove around town. Branson is built on and stretches over many hills, and when there was less or no traffic, we would zoom up and down the hills and curves of residential areas, much faster of course than we should have.

Some of the roads were so steep that, when it rained, they became impassable. An acquaintance crashed his car into a mobile home situated at the bottom of two steep hills that joined in a dangerous curve the locals called Billy Goat Hill. Every year, there were several severe or deadly crashes by young drivers who drove just a little too fast to handle the terrain. I too, crashed my car that year, six months after getting my license. Not seriously, but enough to add a percentile to the statistics of the hills and curves against inexperienced drivers.

But I’ll never forget that thrill, the feeling of my stomach dropping to touch my gonads, that floating feeling of hitting the crest of a downward curve, those narrow roads and near misses, climbing those hills… Absolute, delicious freedom to a 16-year-old who’d seen nothing but who thought opposite. I still sometimes think about the blessed innocence of growing up in Branson. The beauty all over the hills and valleys, the inherent trust of the people living there, the willingness to help a stranger out, to give someone the benefit of the doubt, are all attributes I took for granted. I mocked them, downplaying their value in exchange for how the rest of the unknown world lived, or how I imagined they did.

In Key West, I cursed my ignorance when my trust in new friends and acquaintances was unwarranted, resulting in some sort of stupidity, in whatever forms it assumed. I felt small and intimidated compared to those more sophisticated and worldly than myself. I resented not being more prepared for the harsh realities of my present circumstances. I felt, stupid, trusting, and naïve, and that was bad.

But now, years later, seeing so many different people blessed with less, grow up without, exist day to day not having that foundation of stability those long, languid, boring, innocent days growing up in the Ozarks provided, I do feel very lucky, indeed. My thoughts, my actions, reactions, behavior, and perspective are all firmly rooted in those Ozarks hills, driving around, bored, restless, or having fun, assured of my family’s love, not having any idea how much more I was given at birth for just having been born there. Now I have a clearer understanding of how much that love, those days, that life, have impacted the rest of my days. I am very lucky, indeed.